Ever see those folks who, no matter where they are in life, are brimming with self-confidence?

They may be lacking in fundamental skills or knowledge. They may have a spotty record of achievement. They may not be charming or good looking or have a pleasant personality. And yet, somehow, they always have a “can do” attitude about life and it serves them well.

What’s their secret? How did they develop this self-confidence? More importantly, how can we?

The answer is simple. Do hard things.

Getting up early to plan your day is hard. Exercising is hard. Opening your own practice is hard. Giving up time with your family so you can network is hard.

Doing hard things leads to confidence.

Confidence means knowing that you can rely on yourself. That you’re good enough, strong enough, worthy enough to do the job and get what you want.

One of the reasons we go to school is to develop self-confidence. We learn that if we can do math and chemistry and learn a foreign language, if we can try out and make the team, if we can ask someone out on a date, if we can do these things we can do anything.

Are you more confident about your work today than when you first started practicing? You got there through hard work, overcoming challenges, and learning from your mistakes.

Doing hard things provides a reservoir of experiences to draw on, reminding you that no matter how difficult the task, you can do it.

If you want to be more confident, go do hard things. Lots of them. The harder the better. Do something you’ve never done before or do something you’ve tried and given up. Do something hard and prove to yourself that you can do anything.

One thing that’s not hard: getting referrals

We’ve all got things in our lives we don’t want to do. We usually do them anyway, because they have to be done. But some things are particularly unpleasant and we procrastinate or look for excuses to get out of doing them.

Have you ever had to make a phone call about an especially difficult subject, or to a person you really don’t want to speak to? Sometimes, you rip the bandage off and make the call. Sometimes, you keep avoiding it, dreading it and worrying about it until you have to do anyway.

You hear that “old school” voice in your head. It says, “Quit stalling. Stop whining, you have to do it so man up and make the call. Get it over with. It probably won’t be as bad as you think.”

Sound familiar?

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain,” said Mark Twain. Do the thing you don’t want to do and you’ll feel better once you do.

And that voice is right. Perfectly logical, dammit. So, you make the call. Before you know it, it’s done and, guess what? It wasn’t as bad as you thought. All that worry for naught.

But there’s another school of thought. “New school,” or “new age”. This school says that instead of doing the thing you don’t want to do and then feeling better, feel better first.

Feel better before you act. If nothing else, you’ll be less fearful or stressed out about what you have to do.

Something else happens when you go for the feeling first. You often find yourself doing things that make a better outcome more likely.

In the case of the phone call, your better feelings may cause you to greet the other person with a different tone or phrase your request in more agreeable terms. You may think of additional points to make in your favor.

Which way is better? They both work, of course. In the end, most things turn out okay. But if you usually worry and avoid doing things you don’t want to do and then do them anyway, you might want to try it the other way and spare yourself all that suffering.

E.G.B.O.K. Everything’s going to be okay. You’re problems will be resolved, your goals will be achieved, and you’ll live happily ever after.

At least that’s what you should assume because assuming otherwise won’t do you any good.

Don’t worry about the future. Or the present. No matter how bad things might be, worrying won’t help.

Worry is a useless emotion. Banish the word from your vocabulary. You’ll feel much better, and feeling better will help you achieve better outcomes.

Another way to put it: think about what you want, not what you don’t want. And smile. Everything’s going to be okay.

On the other hand, don’t be naive or reckless. Assume the best but prepare for the worst.

Make contingency plans. Install backups. Buy insurance. Have regular checkups. Because an ounce of prevention, and all that.

Okay, want to know a secret? How to make it easier to eliminate worry and assume the best? I’ll tell you something that’s worked for me, and God knows I’ve needed it.

I’ve built a law practice, from scratch, twice. No clients, no list, no money, and in the case of the first instance, no experience. I’ve started more than a few businesses, most of which are no longer extant. I’ve had many business and personal failures, and more unfinished projects than I can count. I’ve been to Hell and back and I have survived. (This would be a good place for a song, but I’ll spare you.)

Anyway, my “secret” is to approach things with a long-term perspective.

I think in terms of years and decades, not weeks or months. When you see yourself doing something ten or twenty years from now, you are much less likely to let short term problems throw you off track.

Someone owes you thousands of dollars and won’t pay? No problem. A bump in the road. A long and ultimately prosperous and fulfilling road. Ten years from now, you won’t even remember it. You’ll be too busy counting your millions.

So think long term and don’t worry about the short term. Everything’s going to be okay.

But don’t get too comfortable. There’s work to be done (and problems to solve) and we can only do that in the here and now.

Think long term but act short term. Focus on what you can do right now, today, and get it done. You’ll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

The quickest way to get referrals

Thinking about high school again and remembering an expression many boys used when speaking about girls: “Date ’em all and the good ones twice”. Only they didn’t use the word “date”. Use your imagination.

The thing is, this juvenile display of bravado and adolescent yearning may actually have been good advice. When you’re young, it makes sense to play the field. Dating (actual dating) lots of people helps you discover what you like and what you don’t like so you can make a better decision when choosing a spouse.

It also happens to be good advice for achieving success in a business or career.

Try lots of jobs. Lots of ideas. Lots of tools and techniques. Try ’em all and come back to (marry?) the ones you like best.

I just finished reading a book on productivity. I read lots of books on that subject but this one was different. The way the author explained the power of habits for effecting change and achieving goals resonated with me in a way that other books haven’t. I highlighted nearly every page and now, I will go back and read it again. I’ll also take notes and do the exercises I skipped the first time through. Because this one looks like a keeper.

I read a lot of books but re-read only a small percentage. Actually, if it’s good enough to re-read, I usually do that several times.

Date ’em all and the good ones twice. And if they’re really good, marry ’em.

Here’s something you should probably read again

Many lawyers email me with comments or questions about something I’ve written. Some of them have emailed before or hired me for a consultation, and I remember them.

I see a troubling pattern in some of them. They are stuck in a pattern of conduct based on their beliefs about what they can and can’t do, or what will or won’t work in their market or in their practice area.

I give them advice but they don’t follow it because it is inconsistent with their beliefs.

Until they change their beliefs, they will continue getting the same results.

It works like this:

Our beliefs determine our attitudes, in this case, towards learning marketing strategies and techniques and implementing them.

Our attitudes affect our activities–which ones we do, how often we do them, and how we go about them.

Our activities determine our results. Our results determine our success.

It doesn’t start with activity. It starts with beliefs. If you want to get different results, you have to have different beliefs.

How do you change your beliefs?

You start by learning. Read, take classes, soak up new ideas. Don’t dismiss new ideas, immerse yourself in them.

Then, spend time with people who are successful doing what you want to do. Watch them, talk to them, emulate them. Go where they go and do what they do.

Yes, do what they do even though you don’t believe it will work for you. Try and see what happens. Review your results, and try again.

Eventually, as you get some positive results (despite your beliefs), those results will affect your beliefs. Which will affect your attitudes. Which will affect your activities. Which will bring you better results. Which will strengthen your beliefs.

In other words, you change your beliefs the same way you acquired them in the first place.

Get better results in your marketing