Can Johnny come out and play?

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Are you up for some fun today? I thought we might take the rest of the day off, catch a movie and grab some pizza.

How does that sound?

You’ve got too much work on your desk? You’ve got appointments and deadlines?

Screw it! The work will be there when you get back. You work hard enough. You need to get out of the office and have some fun! You deserve it, don’t you?

C’mon, you know you want to. And you can. Just tell your staff you’re leaving for the weekend and have them reschedule your appointments.

They won’t understand? You feel guilty? Okay, tell them you’re not feeling well and need to leave early.

That’s true, isn’t it? You don’t feel well thinking about the fact that you can’t be spontaneous and take off a few hours when you feel like it.

So there. Problem solved. I’ll pick you up in ten minutes.

What do you mean you’re not sure? Don’t be a party pooper, let’s go! It’s only a few hours. And I’m buying!

You’ll come. Great! I’m on my way.

By the way, I’m impressed. You really are a good negotiator. Playing me, holding out until I said, “I’m buying”.

Nicely done, my friend.

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If I had a time machine. . .

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One of my favorite themes in science fiction is time travel. Last night, I re-watched an episode of Doctor Who where The Doctor and Amy visit Vincent Van Gogh. It seems that this is a favorite episode for many fans of the show, in particular because of the moving and brilliantly portrayed final scene.

No spoilers from me. It’s Season 5, Episode 10, Vincent and the Doctor (with Matt Smith as The Doctor). It’s on Netflix, but if you must, I think you can find the final scene on YouTube.

If I had access to a time machine, I wouldn’t visit the future. Now now, anyway. I’d be afraid of what I might see.

No, I would visit the past, including my childhood and days as a younger adult. No doubt I’d laugh at my younger world view, ideas, plans, and how I spent my time. I’m sure I would cringe at my feeble attempts at humor.

What would I tell my younger self? In truth, I wouldn’t talk to myself. That’s a time travel no no. Something about a paradox. Okay, revealing my inner nerd.

But I might leave myself a message.

What would I say? I would tell myself to think less and do more. To cherish every day of life and live it to the fullest.

I would tell myself that there will be many times when I will have a decision to make and I will choose to play it safe. Instead, I would counsel myself to take more risks. I would share Helen Keller’s observation that “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing.”

And then, before I came back to the present, I would leave myself one more note: “1984 Apple. 1997 Amazon. You’re welcome.”

Hey, don’t look down on me. Time machines are expensive!

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All I want for Christmas is YOU

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Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, the day men start shopping for Christmas presents.

You’ll see them in stores, looking like lost puppies, desperate to find something their wives and girlfriends won’t hate. You’ll also see them at the card shop or the card aisle at the grocery store, shoulder to shoulder with other men, hoping to find a card that’s not too soiled or bent and not too mushy or sentimental.

Or is that just me?

I know I’m on your list this year, and I appreciate that. But all I really want for Christmas is you.

Your loyalty, your patronage, and for those of you I know personally, your friendship, are all I need and want. Well, that and an Amazon.com gift card.

So thank you. And please say thank you to your clients for me. Without them supporting you, you wouldn’t be able to support me.

Merry Christmas to you and your family and your clients.

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“Please let me do my job”

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Don’t you love clients who want to micro-manage their case? Don’t you love it when they want you to check with them about every little thing?

You don’t? Maybe you should post a sign in your office like this humorous price list posted by a graphic designer:

Design Services Price List

I design everything… $100

I design, you watch… $200

I design, you advise… $300

I design, you help… $500

You design, I help… $800

You design, I advise… $1,300

You design, I watch… $2,100

You design everything… $3,400

Yes, it is their case. Yes, they are entitled to make the big decisions. But you are the attorney and if a client wants to “help you,” they should pay for the privilege.

 

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Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. . . unless you’re a lawyer

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I used to have an employee who laughed after nearly everything he said. He might have asked me something completely innocuous like, “Should we open a file?” and follow that with an awkward smile and a pinched little laugh.

He was incredibly lacking in self-confidence and this was his way of coping with life.

He could get away with it with clients and others who didn’t listen to him all day long. I tuned it out, mostly, but I have to admit it bothered me. Sometimes, I would ask, “Why are you laughing?” or “Why is that funny?” Yes, I was a prick. And no, it didn’t help.

Maybe you’ve had someone like this work for you. Or maybe you’ve had an office clown. You know, the ones who are always telling jokes and making comments that aren’t in the least funny. And yet they persist, because they think they are God’s gift to humor.

Even if they are funny, too much yucking it up in a law office isn’t a good thing. A little humor is great for lightening the mood. And laughter is contagious. One or two people start laughing, it won’t be long before the entire office is enjoying themselves.

Just make sure there aren’t any clients around. You can’t let them think that what we do is fun and games, or that we’re insensitive to their problems.

But this is probably not a problem in most law offices. Just the opposite. There are too many lawyers who never crack a smile and never find humor in anything.

That’s not good, either.

You need a balance. Not too much humor, not too little.

How much is too much or too little? We must use the reasonable man standard. What is appropriate? What would a reasonable man do in the same or similar circumstances?

Wait, I guess that should be the reasonable person standard. We don’t want to be sexist.

Wait, if we say person, are we not insulting the rest of the animal kingdom? Guess we need to say, “reasonable being” standard.

Hold on, that doesn’t work. What about robots and drones and AI? They may not have feelings, but that doesn’t mean we can insult them. That’s just rude. And unfair. Probably racist, too.

Okay, someone just read this and thinks I’m a jerk for making fun of an out-of-control politically correct narrative. They don’t think this is at all funny.

But hey, calling me a jerk is hate speech. Lawyers have feelings, too. Said no one, ever.

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If The Three Stooges managed your law firm

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“Moe, Larry the Cheese!”

If that puts a smile on your face and brings back memories of your silliness-obsessed youth, welcome to my world. If you don’t get the reference, I’ll meet you in Niagara Falls.

I confess, as a kid, I loved The Three Stooges. What can I say, they made me laugh. They still do. I might just watch me some Stooges on YouTube after I finish this.

My wife doesn’t share this opinion, although she did see the Stooges movie that came out a few years ago and didn’t hate it. I think very few woman like The Stooges, and that’s okay. I’m not crazy about shoes.

Anyway, I’ve written before about what might happen if your Mom managed your law firm, and if my cat was in charge, and a few other critters, and I got to thinking, what would it be like if The Stooges managed your firm.

For starters, you’d have to increase the amount of liability insurance you carry, because God knows something is going to happen to one of your clients who runs late or doesn’t want to pay their bill. You also need a first aid kit in every lawyer’s office.

But despite their penchant for hitting and falling down and putting heads in a vise, you’ve got to admit that The Boys were hard workers. They might not have been very good at hanging wall paper or fixing the plumbing in the upstairs bathroom, but this wasn’t for lack of effort.

They wanted to please the boss. The customer was always right. Service with a smile, yessir.

So if they were in charge of your firm, they would insist that you put your clients first. Unless they were bad. If they are bad, all bets are off. The bad guys always get clobbered.

More than anything, if The Stooges ran your firm, every day would be an adventure. You would never know what might happen, you just know that before the day is out, someone will have their face slapped and their eyes gouged, and someone will be laughing.

And that’s my point.

There isn’t enough laughter in the law business. It’s much too serious.

Yeah, we deal with serious matters, and no, you can’t go telling your clients jokes all the time, but can we all lighten up a bit and have some fun?

You don’t agree? Pick two.

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Too much of a good thing is AWESOME!

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Indulge yourself. Throw caution to the wind. Eat the whole thing. Buy the one you want.

You’ve earned it. You can afford it. You want to do it, so do it.

Go on a bender once in a while. Spend more than you think you should. Pig out, goof off, go blow off some steam.

You won’t die from eating too much today. Neither will you go broke from a one-time purchase. It’s what you spend or eat or do EVERY day that counts.

So after you have a crazy day or a crazy moment, get back to work. Don’t make binging a habit, unless you’re binging on good books. Even then, you have work to do and too much of a good thing could be too much.

You’ll have another binge day at some point. You might even plan it. And look forward to it. Of course it’s more fun when it’s spontaneous, as in, “Screw it, I’m not going to work today, I’m going shopping!”

Mini-splurges are also fun. Go to a nice restaurant this weekend instead of the usual place. Leave work early one day a week. Stay in bed an extra hour on Sunday.

If you’re like me, knowing that you could indulge yourself feels good, even if you don’t do it.

I’m not going to buy the laptop I really want (but don’t need), but it feels great knowing that I could.

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Is “attorney” the right career for you?

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I don’t know what you think about the Myers-Briggs personality test, based on Carl Jung’s work, but according to a new infographic on career choice, I should have been a college professor instead of an attorney.

I’ve taken the test more than once, and got different results each time, so I’m not sure, but today it looks like I am an INTJ. That comes with the shorthand label, “Independent Scientists” and while the independent part fits, I’m not sure sure about the science part. College professor, maybe. Depends on what I’d be teaching.

I found “attorney” listed under ENTJ, which isn’t too far off. Of course there are many different types of attorneys, each with our own styles and leanings. I don’t see how trial attorneys and tax attorneys could possibly be in the same category.

Anyway, it’s kind of fun to see what the “experts” think about our choice of career, and I think the graphic does a good job of describing the different types. If you want to see yours without taking the MB test, job on over to this page and check it out. You can learn more about the 16 personality types on the Myers-Briggs website.

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Reba McEntire: “To succeed in life, you need three things. . .”

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In the “I wish I said it” category comes this quote from singer, song writer, and actress, Reba McEntire:

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.”

Good advice for everyone, but especially lawyers.

We need to dream big to make it big. You can’t “play” at this profession, you have to go for it. Make big plans and take bold action. Another quote, author unknown, sums it up: “Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, ‘Holy shit… what a ride!'”

We need a backbone to survive and thrive. Competition is tough, clients are demanding, and the ponderous rules we swore to abide by often make us want to bitch slap someone. Practicing law may be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears, but only if you can hang in there long enough to reap the rewards.

Most of all, we need to lighten up. If you don’t have a sense of humor, if you can’t laugh at the world and have some fun on this journey, you’re doomed. Bob Newhart said, “Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.” Robert Frost said, “If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane.” Groucho Marx said, “Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.” C’mon now, that’s funny!

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A simple daily habit that could change everything

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I read an article that offered suggested daily habits that could help us 5 years from now. One habit stood out, not just because it has marketing implications, but because I think it could bring immediate benefits.

The habit:

Talk to one stranger every day.

Think about the possibilities. The stranger you speak to could be your next client, a marketing joint venture partner, or a source of referrals. Or they might introduce you to someone who fulfills one or more of those roles.

Talking to someone new can give you ideas for articles and posts, for marketing or managing your practice, or for doing something new and exciting.

Practicing the habit of approaching strangers also helps you develop your networking and interpersonal skills.

And it could be a lot of fun.

You could approach people by design–professionals and centers of influence in your target market or local community, for example. Or, you could make it a serendipitous adventure and approach people at random. How about the person immediately behind you in the line at Starbucks?

Strangers represent opportunities, the article notes. True, most opportunities don’t pan out. With many strangers, you won’t get to first base.

But you never know when the next person you meet might be the one who opens doors to great new adventures. Or, turn out to be a new friend.

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